Andy Sidaris' Exploitation Films

Ex-sports producer and director/writer Andy Sidaris' first three films were the documentary The Racing Scene (1969), Stacey! (1973) (starring Playboy Playmate Anne Randall, April 1967), and Seven (1979).

Title Screens: Andy Sidaris' First Three Films
The Racing Scene (1969)	Stacey! (1973)	Seven (1979)

What brought him fame, however, was his next set of films - formulaic, straight-to-video film releases (twelve in total) that began in 1985 and progressed through 1998.

1. Malibu Express (1985)
2. Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
3. Picasso Trigger (1988)
4. Savage Beach (1989)
5. Guns (1990)
6. Do or Die (1991)
7. Hard Hunted (1993)
8. Fit to Kill (1993)
9. Enemy Gold (1993)
10. The Dallas Connection (1994)
11. Day of the Warrior (1996)
12. Return to Savage Beach (1998)

The cheesy B-films (with unnecessarily complicated plots) were called Triple B features (with Bullets, Bombs & Babes), with more and more voyeuristic nudity and giant, silicone surgically-enhanced centerfolds and models (Playboy and Penthouse ‘Playmates’) as the films were unveiled. The actress who starred in the most Sidaris productions was Dona Speir, with eight films as secret agent Donna Hamilton, part of an organization or Agency known as L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law).

The twelve films in this filmography of R-rated action thrillers are described below:

Malibu Express (1985)

Andy Sidaris' first sleazy, exploitative, trashy T&A extravaganza was probably the best of all his films. It was taglined:

• Packing Heat from Texas to Malibu Beach.

The James Bond spoof contained all the requisite elements: action, comedy and gratuitous nudity (with lots of former Playboy and Penthouse models and soap opera stars). The film was showcased with numerous breast appearances by four, heavily-advertised, half-naked Playboy Playmate centerfolds:

• Faye (Kimberly McArthur, Playboy Playmate January 1982)
• Liza Chamberlain (Lorraine Michaels, Playboy Playmate April 1981)
• June Khnockers (Lynda Weismeier, Playboy Playmate July 1982), a race-car driver
• May (Barbara Edwards, Playboy Playmate September 1983)

This one also featured good ol' boy, mustached, Chuck Norris, Burt Reynolds and Magnum PI -lookalike private detective Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton), who couldn't shoot straight and drove a red DeLorean. Cody's sexy, lusty police detective friend and workout partner was Beverly McAfee (Lori Sutton). Cody's yacht was named Malibu Express which was moored at the Santa Barbara Marina in California - the film's title.

Sampled dialogue: "I understand you're a private investigator -- and we want to know if you'll investigate our privates?!"

The playboyish Cody was called upon to investigate the murder of the husband of mysterious government agent/femme fatale Contessa Luciana (B-movie queen Sybil Danning), and related ultra-rich socialites in the decadent Chamberlain family. Luciana was loosely connected to wheelchair-bound, rich Beverly Hills socialite Lady Lillian Chamberlain (Niki Dantine).

In the Chamberlain's Beverly Hills mansion were:

• Liza Chamberlain (Lorraine Michaels) - Lady Lillian’s pretty daughter
• Anita Chamberlain (Shelley Taylor Morgan) - the snobbish wife of Lady Lillian’s son Stuart (Michael A. Andrews)
• Maid Marian (Robyn Hilton) - the ditzy housekeeper
• Shane (Brett Clark) - the chauffeur, who was having sex with both of the Chamberlain females - Anita and Liza

The plot - in addition to blackmail, espionage, murder, and adultery - was about illegal sales of computer microchips to Communist countries, with the prime suspect being computer magnate billionaire Jonathan Harper (Les Steinmetz). However, by film's end, it was revealed that the Contessa had killed Shane because he was the promiscuous traitor selling secrets to the Russians.

The Playboy Attractions of Malibu Express
May (Barbara Edwards) and Faye (Kimberly McArthur)	June Khnockers (Lynda Weismeier)
May (Barbara Edwards)	Liza Chamberlain (Lorraine Michaels)

Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

Filmed in Molokai (Hawaii), this Andy Sidaris sequel and action thriller (and the first Sidaris title released on DVD) was about drug smuggling. It was the second of the Triple B Series (Bullets, Bombs, and Babes) by Sidaris. Its taglines were:

• "This Ain't no Hula!"
• "Pay the Price for Paradise"

It replaced the original Cody with a Warren Beatty look-alike character, a special agent named Rowdy Abilene (Ronn Moss). The film also featured a razor-sharp frisbee weapon, a bazooka, a shipment of diamonds for a drug dealer, and a huge killer mutant snake.

The stars (who would repeat their twosome relationship in future episodes) were two super-sexy undercover agents who operated an air-cargo service in Hawaii:

• Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir, Playboy Playmate March 1984)
• Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton, Playboy Playmate July 1985)

Two Sexy Undercover Agents
Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton)	Donna and Taryn
Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir)

In addition, there were two other Playboy Playmates:

• Edy (Cynthia Brimhall, Playboy Playmate October 1985)
• Pattycakes (Patty Duffek, Playboy Playmate May 1984)
  ("You've got to exercise every day to keep these little puppies firm...A healthy mind and body are very important...Good breasts are a great asset")

In the plot, members of a drug cartel in Hawaii (run by drug lord Seth Romero (Rodrigo Obregón) and Mr. Chang (Peter Bromilow)) murdered two drug enforcement officers, to prevent them from interrupting their lucrative operation. Meanwhile, the two agents Donna and Taryn accidentally intercepted a remote-controlled scale model helicopter with a special cargo (of diamonds) intended for Romero.

Picasso Trigger (1988)

This produced and directed Andy Sidaris action/adventure film was the third of the Triple B Series (Bullets, Bombs, and Babes) by Sidaris. It was an espionage thriller with the tagline:

• They take their art seriously. They kill.

It introduced a third 'Rowdy Abilene' agent, now named Travis (soap star Steve Bond). He appeared with the two main sexy agents in the previous Sidaris film Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987).

• Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir, Playboy Playmate March 1984)
• Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton, Playboy Playmate July 1985)

The many other Playboy-related performers in this film were:

• Pantera (Roberta Vasquez, Playboy Playmate November 1984)
• Inga (Liv Lindeland, Playboy Playmate January 1971 and Playboy Playmate of the Year 1972)
• Edy (Cynthia Brimhall, Playboy Playmate October 1985)
• Patticakes (Patty Duffek, Playboy Playmate May 1984)
• Kym (Kym Malin, Playboy Playmate May 1982)

Sexy Agents Reprising Their Undercover Roles
Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir)
Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton)

In the plot, the film opened in Paris where underworld kingpin Alejandro Philip Salazar (John Aprea) - a double-agent code-named after a fish called The Picasso Trigger, was assassinated on the outdoor steps of a museum. He had just donated a $3 million painting - a Picasso Yellow-margin Triggerfish. He was murdered (although later it was revealed the corpse was a body double) by a double-crossing crime lord Miguel Ortiz (Rodrigo Obregon).

Ortiz wanted to gain control of Salazar's international crime syndicate (involving smuggling and money laundering). Ortiz then began vengefully murdering federal agents who were involved in the Ortiz case and in his brother's death (in the previous film Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)). His main weapon of choice was a radio-controlled scale model plane with explosives.

Undercover agents Kym and Patticakes served as dance showgirls at Vegas' Greenhorn Club in the Sands Casino (to apprehend local gangsters Charles Patterson (Roy Summersett) and his henchman Schiavo (Nick Georgiade)), and Edy owned a restaurant-hangout on Molokai known as Edy's.

Savage Beach (1989)

Writer/director Andy Sidaris' action/adventure film was the fourth film of his Triple B Series (Bullets, Bombs, and Babes) of twelve films, and his third Hawaiian-based crime caper.

This one was about smuggling heroin in hollowed-out pineapples, and a search for missing Filipino sunken gold on a Japanese WWII freighter, and a remote island (Savage Beach) with treasure hunters and a stranded samurai warrior (Michael Mikasa) from the war years. One of the highlights was a topless spa session with the four main female stars in the first ten minutes.

Its tagline was appropriate:

• If You Think They Look Easy To Kill, Think Again.

The Topless Spa Scene
(l to r) Patty, Rocky, Taryn	Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) and Donna (Dona Speir)
Pattycakes (Patty Duffek)	Rocky (Lisa London)

Back again for the third time - as Donna Hamilton and Taryn respectively were the sexy federal drug enforcement agents Donna Hamilton - Dona Speir (Playboy Playmate March 1984) and Taryn Kendall - Hope Marie Carlton (Playboy Playmate July 1985). They were supplemented by:

• Pattycakes (Patty Duffek, Playboy Playmate May 1984), another agent
• Rocky (Lisa London), a redhaired agent
• Kelly (Maxine Wasa), a sexy beauty
• Anjelica (Teri Weigel, Playboy Playmate of April 1986 and future hard-core porn actress) - she was assisting a representative of the Philippine government, Martinez (Rodrigo Obregón), to recover the gold (both were Communist insurgents)

[Note: This marked the third and last appearance of Patty Duffek as Pattycakes in the series.]

Anjelica (Teri Weigel)

Guns (1990)

This fifth film in the L.E.T.H.A.L. series was reportedly a spoof of the Bond film A License to Kill (1989). It was both written and directed by Sidaris. Its tagline was:

• Locked, Cocked & Ready to Rock!, James Never Had This Kind of Help!

South American arms dealer/gun-runner Juan Degas (Erik Estrada in his first bad-guy role), nicknamed Jack of Diamonds (and resembling Pacino's Scarface), was smuggling weapons from China to the US (via Hawaii). He was partnered with henchman Tong (Danny Trejo), and villainous lover Cash (Devin DeVasquez, Playboy Playmate June 1985). The goal was to smuggle super-powered Chinese weapons to Las Vegas in a small plane via a refueling stop in Hawaii.

"Jack of Diamonds" deliberately lured L.E.T.H.A.L agents from Hawaii to Las Vegas. His operation was pursued by a pair of sexy female secret government agents stationed in Hawaii (one of the smugglers' bases of operations):

• Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir) (Playboy Playmate March 1984)
• Nicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez) (Playboy Playmate November 1984)

[Note: After four films, Donna's former partner Taryn Kendall (Playmate Hope Marie Carlton) disappeared from the series. This marked Roberta Vasquez' first (of many) appearances as Nicole Justin, a member of the "L.E.T.H.A.L Ladies" agency (and her second appearance in a Sidaris film, following after her role in Picasso Trigger (1988)).]

There were additional agents (all Playboy Playmates or models) working on the case, including:

• Edy Stark (Cynthia Brimhall, Playboy Playmate October 1985) - serving undercover as a lounge singer in Las Vegas headlining the Rio Casino
• Ace (Liv Lindeland, Playboy Playmate January 1971)
• two "Oil Mania" oil-wrestlers in Vegas:
  • Kym (Kym Malin, Playboy Playmate May 1982)
  • Hugs Higgins (Donna Spangler)

Degas' plan was to assassinate the agents that were pursuing him, with two transvestite thug killers, Cubby (Chu Chu Malave) and Tito (Richard Cansino).

In the action film, the agents killed Degas' girlfriend - he retaliated by kidnapping Donna Hamilton's mother.

Do or Die (1991)

This sixth film in the L.E.T.H.A.L. series was both written and directed by Andy Sidaris. Its tagline was:

• This May Be the Last Dame They'll Ever Play

To start the picture, two undercover federal agents (both former Playboy Playmates) were kidnapped-captured:

• Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir) (Playboy Playmate March 1984)
• Nicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez) (Playboy Playmate November 1984)

They were at a Hawaiian luau where big-time crime lord - mystical Asian overlord Masakana 'Kane' Kaneshiro (Pat Morita), or Mr. Miyagi, took them captive. He was often assisted by Japanese villainess and mistress Silk (Carolyn Liu) (Miss July 1990, Hong Kong edition).

Instead of killing them, Kaneshiro gave the two a short head-start, and threatened to start pursuit after them at noon the next day. He was playing a cat-and-mouse "death" game with them involving six separate assassin teams sent out to kill them - tracking them through a device implanted in Donna's wrist watch.

The action went from Hawaii to Las Vegas, and also to the Louisiana bayou, where agency members assembled.

There were six fellow agents sent to help protect the two assassination targets (comprising boy/girl duos), including Stephanie Schick (Pandora Peaks from the adult film industry) (with a notable waterfall scene), and Ava (Ava Cadell). Miyagi's plan was to control the stock market by killing the federal agents.

Hard Hunted (1993)

This one was the seventh film in the series - also directed and written by Andy Sidaris, and considered one of the best. Its tagline was:

• The World's Hottest Undercover Agents are Back!

The main plot point was to prevent a rich, Middle Eastern terrorist Kane (now played by Geoffrey Moore, the son of Bond's Roger Moore) (the same crime lord played by Pat Morita in the previous film!), from acquiring a smuggled nuclear trigger (a green-glowing object hidden in a jade Buddha) that would upset the balance of power in the region. He was assisted again by slinky, duplicitous villainess-mistress Silk (Carolyn Liu).

Busty female federal agents were sent to investigate, including:

• Donna Hamilton (Dona Spier, Playboy Playmate March 1984)
• Nicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez, Playboy Playmate November 1984)
• Edy Stark (Cynthia Brimhall, Playboy Playmate October 1985), again appearing undercover as a singer

Communications were secretly transmitted to the agents from Hawaii's KSXY radio-station from sexy DJ Ava (Ava Cadell) with assistant Becky (Becky Mullen).

One of the L.E.T.H.A.L agents named Mika (Mika Quintard) stole the Buddha, and Kane sent deadly assassin Raven (Al Leong) after her to obtain it.

Fit to Kill (1993)

This was the eighth film in the series - and the last consecutive film to be directed and written by Andy Sidaris. Its tagline was:

• They're Sexy, They're Fearless, They're...Fit to Kill!

Special agents in this installment included:

• Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir, Playboy Playmate March 1984)
• Nicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez, Playboy Playmate November 1984)
• Edy Stark (Cynthia Brimhall, Playboy Playmate October 1985), posing undercover as topless lounge singer

Other agents included buxom DJ Ava (Ava Cadell) lounging nude in a hot tub at KSXY radio, with her assistant Sandy (Sandra Wild).

In the plot, villainous Chinese-American businessman Mr. Chang (Aki Aleong) owned a rare and fabulous Alexa Diamond (an Infinity Stone), stolen by the Nazis from Russia during WWII. He intended to return it to Russia (the rightful owners).

Meanwhile, lethal and seductive, black-clad partner Blu Steele (Julie Strain, Penthouse Pet of the Year 1983)) was ordered by another gangster bad guy named Po (Craig Ryan Ng) to kill his sinister enemy Martin Kane (Geoffrey Moore again as the villain), but the assassination attempt failed. Afterwards, Kane hired Blu to help with his revenge schemes - to eliminate the agents.

Agents Donna and Nicole in Hawaii were ordered to protect Chang at a gala dinner on Maui. They were in charge of security at the event, where they struggled to outwit villains who were in violent conflict over possession of the artifact.

The diamond changed hands many times as it was stolen and restolen - it went from Chang to Kane to Po and eventually to agent Donna.

Enemy Gold (1993)

This ninth film - featured mostly a new cast and group of characters and a change of location - mainly because it was directed by Sidaris' son Christian Drew Sidaris and co-written by Wess Rahn and Christian Drew Sidaris. It was still produced by Andy and Arlene Sidaris. Its tagline was:

• Bullets, Bombs and Babes!

The film basically discarded the L.E.T.H.A.L. organization. It began with a Civil War flashback - the hiding of gold by Confederate soldier Charles Quantrell, who soon after died.

In the present day, a trio of federal agents were recently suspended and declared inactive by their supervisor Dickson (Alan Abelew) for excessive force during a cocaine-smuggling drug raid:

• Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall)
• Mark Austin (Mark Barriere)
• Becky Midnite (Suzi Simpson, Playboy Playmate January 1992), blonde

Off duty and during a camping trip, they searched for the buried treasure, while camping and vacationing in the woods in the Big Pines Forest of Texas.

Santiago (Rodrigo Obregon), an evil and vengeful Colombian drug-dealer and a slimy, Spanish strip-club owner, was also on the search in the woods for the gold, aided by Amazonian, large-booted Jewel Panther (Julie Strain, Penthouse Pet of the Year 1983).

[Note: In the film's twist, Dickson was secretly and directly tied to the film's main drug dealer villain. He gave Santiago a device allowing him to keep track of the three inoperative agents, and all converged on the buried loot.]

Santiago was combating the federal agents and their boss Ava Noble (Tai Collins, Playboy Magazine October 1991).

The Dallas Connection (1994)

The tenth film in the series was written and directed by Christian Drew Sidaris. Its tagline was:

• Spies, Thighs, Bikinis and Bullets

In the film's opening, each of the three female assassins (below), in Paris (France), Cape Town (South Africa) and Hong Kong, killed scientists Jean Pierre (Alan Krier), Peter Vandermeer (William Fain), and Dr. Sun Hee Wang (Phil Wang) respectively. The three eminent scientists were due to converge for a conference in Dallas, but were being murdered (and the killings were being videotaped).

• Black Widow (Julie Strain, Penthouse Pet of the Year 1983) (a seductress known for killing her targets after having sex with them)
• Cobra (Julie K. Smith, Penthouse Pet February 1993), blonde
• Scorpion (Wendy Hamilton, Playboy Playmate December 1991)

The scientists were working on developing a computer chip for a new top security satellite that could detect weapons. It was to be handed over to IWAR headquarters for a project known as International/World Arms Removal. IWAR was a high-tech satellite project to help prevent war. Only one scientist remained alive on the project - Antonio Morales (Rodrigo Obregón) - he was on his way to Dallas, and he was the assassins' next target.

A trio of secret agents were assembled to protect Morales in Dallas, including:

• Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall)
• Mark Austin (Mark Barriere)
• Samantha Maxx (Samantha Phillips, stunning Penthouse Pet June 1993)

Each agent was given one of the satellite’s computer chips to protect. In Dallas, the three assassins disguised themselves as dancers in a Texas cowboy bar/nightclub known as Cowboys. They seduced some of the agents to acquire the computer chips. Cobra stole Chris' chip, while Scorpion took Mark's chip, and Black Widow took Samantha's chip.

In the film's twists, Morales turned out not to be what he appeared to be, and Cobra was revealed to be an undercover government agent who hadn't really killed scientist Peter Vandermeer.

Day of the Warrior (1996)

This was Andy Sidaris' first directed film since Fit to Kill (1993), and the eleventh film in the series, after he had turned the reigns over to his son for a few films. In its convoluted and complex plot, it again featured L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law). Its tagline was:

• The L.E.T.H.A.L Ladies are Back!

In the film's opening, special agent Tiger (Shae Marks) discovered that a cadre of computer hackers had broken in and stolen a list of the Agency's top undercover agents. She informed the Agency leader of the break-in. The villain who had broken in was a former CIA agent known as "Warrior" (real-life professional wrestler Marcus Bagwell), a criminal involved in pornography, bootlegging and smuggling (stolen diamonds, jewelry, and artwork) and the white slave trade.

The agency organization, the Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law (L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies), included such female agents as:

• Commander Willow Black (Julie Strain, Penthouse Pet of the Year 1983)
• Agent Tiger (Shae Marks, Playboy Playmate May 1994)
• Agent Cobra (Julie K. Smith, Penthouse Pet February 1993)

The specially-trained team of lean, mean and exceptionally large-breasted female commandos went undercover in Hollywood. Tiger and Willow Black realized that they must protect other agents, including Cobra (Julie K. Smith), Shark (Darren Wise), and Scorpion (Tammy Parks).

Kym (Raye Hollitt) (left)

Ginger (Christiva Turner)

Their goal was to combat the Warrior, the criminal entrepreneur who was involved in many illicit activities. They were also fighting against the operations of bikini-clad crime goddess Kym (Raye Hollitt, a star in TV's American Gladiators), who had been overseeing a diamond smuggling ring.

Return to Savage Beach (1998) (aka L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach)

This Andy Sidaris film, his twelfth and final Triple B feature (Bullets, Bombs & Babes) was released as the predictable sequel to Savage Beach (1989) and Day of the Warrior (1996). It was taglined:

• The Big Guns are Back.

It starred the following big-busted 'actresses' who took the roles of undercover agents, members of L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Enforce Total Harmony And Law).

• "Willow Black" (Julie Strain, Penthouse Pet of the Year 1983)
• "Cobra" (Julie K. Smith, Penthouse Pet February 1993)
• "Tiger" (Shae Marks, Playboy Playmate May 1994)

Another sexy blonde was Sofia - Carrie Westcott (Playboy Playmate September 1993).

The agency had successfully deployed a deep space crime-detection satellite. The sexy agents pretended to run the KSXY radio station, but were really engaged in a search for a mythical treasure - diamonds on Savage Beach (through information on a stolen floppy computer disk).