My Beautiful Laundrette (1985, UK)

Director Stephen Frears' subversive comedy-drama, his third feature film, was originally filmed for British TV. Using author Hanif Kureishi's first screenplay, it was one of the first examples of the so-called New Queer Cinema. The coming-of-age film covered the themes of bold sexuality, race, prejudice, immigration, sexism, class and generational difference.

The independent film told of the development of a cross-racial, forbidden and unconventional homosexual relationship between two very different British men, both outsiders in Thatcher's England during the mid-1980s (a period of rampant racism, class differences and economic turmoil):

• Omar Ali (Gordon Warnecke), a first-generation Pakistani from a Pakistani-immigrant family, headed by his ailing, gray-haired, leftist Marxist father Hussein "Papa" Ali (Roshan Seth) - a widower and an ex-journalist who was alcoholically-depressed due to his wife's recent train-track suicide
• Johnny Burfoot (Daniel Day-Lewis), a neo-fascist extremist, right-wing, ex-National Front skin-head member and lower-class, dyed blonde-haired street punk; a homeless petty criminal; he was Omar's previous white, gay, Anglo-Saxon school friend

Omar's Ailing Father Hussein "Papa" (Roshan Seth)

Omar Ali (Gordon Warnecke)

Johnny Burfoot (Daniel Day-Lewis)

In England, Omar's enterprising, hedonistic, rich paternal Uncle Nasser Ali (Saeed Jeffrey), Hussein's brother, had successfully realized how to take advantage of the capitalistic system for his own benefit. In particular, Nasser had taken advantage of his entrepreneurial wealth by acquiring a white, middle-aged British mistress Rachel (Shirley Anne Field). During vigorous sex with her, he told her: "What do you think I am, your trampoline?...Just keep moving. Oh, there. Oh, I love you. Darling. Christ, you move like a niner."

Later at a high-class bar, he boasted to his nephew Omar about how to personally benefit from his many opportunities:

In this damn country, which we hate and love, you can get anything you want. It's all spread out and available. That's why I believe in England. Only you have to know how to squeeze the tits of the system.

To provide for an extended family member (after his brother Hussein had asked for a favor), Nasser offered Omar a job, first a menial car-washing job in one of his garages, and then the responsibility to fix-up "Churchill's Laundrette" - a run-down South London laundry business. Omar also met Nasser's promiscuous and flirtatious daughter Tania N. Ali (Rita Wolf), his own grown-up cousin, who flashed her breasts at him through a window while he spoke with other related male family members. She spoke to him afterwards, coming onto him by kissing him: "It's been years. And you're looking really good now. I think we understand each other."

On the side, Omar was also trafficking drugs for extra cash with Nasser's crime-connected right-hand man/friend Salim N. Ali (Derrick Branche), a drug importer. After reestablishing contact with Johnny, his former romantic interest from school, the two worked together to renovate the laundrette, rename it Powders, and make it profitable in an economically-repressed community. Omar and Johnny also reignited their previous romantic attraction to each other - a forbidden love.

In the film's most matter-of-fact erotic love scene just before the laundrette Powders' opening ceremony, the two men embraced each other in the back manager's room of the laundromat. Johnny slipped his hand beneath Omar's neck-tied shirt and dribbled champagne from his mouth into Omar's mouth before they kissed. Meanwhile, Nasser and his mistress Rachel danced out front amongst the washing machines (to the familiar tune of French composer Emile Waldteufel's "The Skaters' Waltz" (aka Les Patineurs Valse)).

The Laundrette's Grand Opening Sequence
Omar and Johnny in Laundrette's Backroom
	Rachel and Nasser Dancing In Front Room Surrounded by Laundry Machines
Dribbling Champagne Between Johnny and Omar's Mouths
	Contrasting Kissing Scenes (Foreground and Background)

Throughout the film, the hedonistic Nasser had been cheating on his wife during an on-going affair with Rachel. During the inauguration ceremonies at the laundrette, Nasser's daughter Tania (who was unexpectedly in attendance) confronted her father's mistress Rachel - and accused her of being parasitic: ("I don't mind my father spending our money on you...or my father being with you, instead of with our mother....But I don't like women who live off men...That's a pretty disgusting, parasitical thing, isn't it?").

Meanwhile nearby, Nasser was pressuring Omar to marry Tania for respectability's sake:

"Marry her. Well, what's wrong with her? When I say marry her, you damn well do it....Be nice to her, pressure off my f--king head....Your penis works doesn't it?...Get going!"

In response to Tania's accusations, Rachel pridefully defended her extra-marital relationship with Nasser:

"But tell me, who do you live off? And you must understand, we're of different generations, different classes. Everything is waiting for you. The only thing that has ever waited for me - is your father."

Embarrassed by the confrontation, Nasser promptly ushered Rachel out of the laundrette. Later that night, Omar spoke to Tania, who forced him to accept her demands to raise money to leave home: "I wanna leave home. I need to break away. You'll have to help me, financially..." He drunkenly proposed to marry Tania in order to keep the peace with his family: "I'm drunk. Will you marry me?" She agreed with a caveat: "If you can get me some money."

Shortly later, Rachel confided in Nasser about how sympathetic she was in causing him to be unfaithful. After coming down with an abdominal rash (caused by a ritualistic curse placed upon her by Nasser's wife), she decided to leave him with a short speech:

"I thought that I'm taking you too much away from your family. Love, money, you. Besides, it's not possible to enjoy being hated so much. Your wife is a brilliant woman...We've had a time....A nice time."

As the film ended, things looked bleak for many of the family members. Rachel left Nasser, Omar reneged on his marital proposal to Tania, Hussein blamed his ill health on England's economic problems, and Johnny was viciously beaten up when punks trashed the laundrette and he had come to Salim's defense (a garbage can was thrown through the front window). The film ended with Tania leaving town, as a shirtless Johnny and Omar playfully splashed water on each other in the laundrette.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

Director Jack Scholder's horror slasher film sequel A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) was one of the lowest-rated 'Nightmare' films. It ignored continuity from the previous film's characters and events, and it created a new premise - that Freddy could kill people in the real world and not just in their dreams. Its tagline was:

• The Man of Your Dreams Is Back.

The setting was 1986, five years after the events of the original film, with events taking place in the same haunted Thompson house at 1428 Elm St with a homicidal past history.

Extensive evidence existed regarding the homosexual subtext contained in the horror slasher film:

• the sexually-repressed, 17 year-old effeminate homosexual character of Jesse (Mark Patton, an actual gay actor) was the main lead character - reportedly, it was the only "Nightmare" film in which a male was the central role
• the sights of Jesse's smooth bare-chested body and frequent awakening accompanied by high-pitched screaming (like a girl) and soaking perspiration (symbolic of AIDS-related night sweats?)
• the depants-ing wrestling scene with jock Ron Grady (Robert Rusler) on a softball field; Jesse's rival Grady also mentioned that Coach Schneider (Marshall Bell) was known to "hang around queer S & M joints downtown - He likes pretty boys like you"
• the phallic snake wrapped around Jesse's neck in Biology class
• the prominent sign on Jesse's bedroom door that at first glance read: "NO CHICKS"
• the pelvic thrusting dance scene with a phallic popgun thrust into Jesse's crotch as he cleaned his room wearing Elton John-style gold-glittering sunglasses; in his dresser drawer, he kept butt jabs
• the board-game PROBE and a diary - both hidden in his closet
• the many S&M references
• the nightmarish scene when Jesse entered a gay leather bar, DON'S PLACE - a kinky establishment populated by prostitutes, gay couples, S&M devotees, etc. where two of the male patrons were kissing and biting each other; also Coach Schneider was there, dressed in a leather strapped vest tank top and tight pants
• the unusual murder of the sadistic and macho gym Coach Schneider - in his office, he was hit in the head by hurled sports equipment; then he was inflicted with bondage - he was tied to pipes, spread-eagled against the wall and invisibly stripped of his clothes in the shower room; his bare butt was whipped by towels that had sprung to life, causing red welts
• the fact of Jesse's lack of libido and performance anxiety during sex with his new, red-headed girlfriend Lisa Webber (Kim Myers)
• at the pool party, the exploding hot dogs like firecrackers
• the fact of Freddy's 'bad' nature 'coming out' of Jesse's body; as he was kissing Lisa between her breasts, Freddy's thick, green snake-like tongue protruded six inches out of his mouth into her cleavage; startled, he quickly protracted the phallic object, covered his mouth, and ceased heterosexual love-making

When Jesse asked if he could sleep at Grady's house after becoming briefly heterosexually passionate with Lisa in a pool house cabana, Grady made an obvious assertion that Jesse was heterosexually dysfunctional, and fancied him instead:

"Yeah, and she's female, and she's waiting for you in the cabana, and you wanna sleep with me."

Out of Africa (1985)

Director Sydney Pollack's Best Picture-winning love story was told against the gorgeous cinematographic backdrop of Kenya, set in the colonial early 20th century era. Its tagline was unoriginal: "Based on a true story."

There was one sexy, but sex-less romantic scene during a safari between:

• Denys Finch Hatton (Robert Redford), a free-spirited English adventurer and big-game hunter
• Karen Blixen-Finecke (Meryl Streep), a Danish baroness/plantation owner and writer

Denys lovingly untangled, shampooed and rinsed - from behind, the hair of Karen while he recited the end of Samuel Taylor Coleridge's famous poem, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner:

"Laughed loud and long, and all the while his eyes went to and fro. 'Ha ha,' quoth he, 'Full plain I see. The devil knows how to row.' Farewell, farewell...but this I tell to thee, thou wedding guest...He prayeth well who loveth well both man and bird and beast."

Re-Animator (1985) (aka HP Lovecraft's Re-Animator)

Director Stuart Gordon's directorial debut film was a grisly 'Frankenstein' horror tale with unbelievable zombie sex that was based on H. P. Lovecraft's tale "Herbert West - Re-Animator." The film opening credits paid homage to Saul Bass' titles in Hitchcock's Vertigo (1958), and it also reused Bernard Hermann's familiar screeching violins 'Psycho' theme music during the opening and closing sequences.

There were considerable differences, amounting to over 9 minutes of additional footage, between the R-rated version and the unrated (or original X) version, and there was also an extended version of 105 minutes. The main female character in the film was almost continuously nude.

There were two sequels to follow by director Brian Yuzna: Bride of Re-Animator (1990) and Beyond Re-Animator (2003), and a fourth unofficial film from this film's director Stuart Gordon titled From Beyond (1986) - both co-scripted and produced by Yuzna.

(H.P. Lovecraft's) Re-Animator (1985)

(H.P. Lovecraft's) Bride of Re-Animator (1989)

Beyond Re-Animator (2003)

Its tagline was:

• Herbert West Has A Very Good Head On His Shoulders... And Another One In A Dish On His Desk

The popular cult film included a series of outrageously humorous, over-the-top - perverted - and horrifying scenes all at once. The main character was:

• Dr. Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs), a 3rd year medical school student/scientist at Miskatonic Medical School in Arkham, Massachusetts, who was experimenting with a reagent serum that glowed an obnoxious flourescent green; at first, he was conducting independent research in Zurich, Switzerland; during one of his trials, he was able to successfully reanimate his roommate's dead cat named Rufus after it suffocated

Two other major characters were also introduced:

• Dan Cain (Bruce Abbott), West's co-medical student, assistant, and roommate
• Megan Halsey (Barbara Crampton), Cain's girlfriend/fiancee; she was the naive daughter of the medical school's Dean Alan Halsey (Robert Sampson); in the film's opening she and Dan had sex, although she had to hurry home due to her strict father whom she labeled "the world's last living Puritan"

While at the medical school, Dr. West rented an apartment room from Cain, and converted the house's basement into his own personal laboratory. Eminent brain researcher Dr. Carl Hill (David Gale), an egotistical research competitor, despised West, who was accusing Hill of plagiarizing the theory of brain death from West's late mentor, Dr. Hans Gruber (Al Berry) in Europe. The lecherous Dr. Hill was also sexually-obsessed with Megan.

After Dean Halsey expelled both Dr. West and Cain from the school, they snuck back into the school's morgue to conduct further tests to re-animate a dead corpse. One of the rampaging cadavers, temporarily brought back to life, mauled Dr. Halsey when he came to investigate their trespassing. Shortly later, Dr. West gleefully resumed his experimentation with the fresh corpse of the zombified Dr. Halsey ("This is the freshest body that we could come across save of killing one ourselves, and every moment that we spend talking about it costs us results!"), and successfully reanimated him as a zombie.

During a confrontation in West's basement lab between Dr. West and Dr. Hill, the latter attempted to blackmail West and take credit for his revolutionary reagent solution. Dr. West decapitated Hill with a shovel as he yelled out: "Plagiarist!" Then, he began to experiment with reanimating the recently-deceased Dr. Hill's disembodied 'head' and his headless body. Dr. Hill's body knocked Dr. West unconscious, stole back his own head and West's reagent, and returned to his office. Through a telepathic connection, he also sent the zombified Dr. Halsey to kidnap his own daughter Megan, bring her to his lab, and then restrain and ravage her.

In the film's most outrageous sequence, the decapitated head of Dr. Hill became aroused by the sight of Megan while she was strapped naked on a laboratory table next to him in the morgue by Halsey. After Dr. Hill's headless body massaged both of her breasts, he leaned over her while holding his own severed head with his two hands, and managed to speak in a gravely, maniacal voice, while trying to kiss her breasts:

"I've always admired your beauty, my dear. I think I've always loved you. (She screamed and attempted to push him away.) And you will love me. You will!...That's it, my dearest Meg - more passion!"

Dr. Hill's Severed Head Sexual Attack

As she protested: "Please stop, let me go," he attempted to provide oral sex ('head') to Megan, but was interrupted by Dan and Dr. West, who saved and freed her. Dr. West chided Dr. Hill's head for molesting Megan:

"I must say, Dr. Hill. I'm very disappointed in you. You steal the secret of life and death, and here you are trysting with a bubble-headed coed. You're not even a second-rate scientist."

During a chaotic scene, Dr. West destroyed Dr. Hill's separate head and body with a lethal reagent overdose. 'Undead' Halsey was again torn apart by zombies, and West appeared to be lethally attacked by Dr. Hill's monstrous and mutated corpse.

As Cain and Megan fled, she was attacked and strangled to death by one of the re-animated corpses as they tried to escape in an elevator. Cain rushed her in his arms to a hospital emergency room where attempts to resucitate her failed. A last-ditch effort was made to give her a shot of the reanimating, fluorescent green reagent serum - the results were left inconclusive as the film concluded.

Red Heat (1985, US/Germ./Austria)

This R-rated exploitation thriller from writer/director Robert Collector and Ernst Ritter von Theumer came after The Exorcist star's topless debut in Chained Heat (1983), and was basically a gender-switched retread of Midnight Express (1978). It was not to be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger's later film Red Heat (1988). The uncut version ran 104 minutes, while edited versions were much shorter. Its taglines were:

• Only one film could top the intensity of 'Chained Heat.' Here it is.
• In this prison escape would be a miracle...and death would be a blessing!

It featured another nude performance by Linda Blair in a WIP (Women in Prison) film as:

• Christine Carlson (Linda Blair), an American (Pennsylvania) college student/tourist, innocent and wrongly-accused

Christine was on a trip to West Germany to visit her Army-soldiering fiancee Mike (William Ostrander), when one fateful evening, she had a serious argument with her boyfriend over marriage at a mountain resort. He wanted to re-enlist, delaying their nuptials.

After leaving him, she was walking late at night, and accidentally witnessed a kidnapping (including binding and gagging) of a defecting East German scientist, a political advocate named Dr. Hedda Kleemann (Sue Kiel) who had important stolen biochemical lab files. She was kidnapped by the Stasi secret police, and authorities transported her to the East German Zone, brutally questioned and interrogated her, and forced her to admit to being involved in espionage as a CIA agent, for "collusion with strangers," and for being an "enemy of the state."

She was incarcerated with a three-year prison sentence in an East German women's prison, headed by stern and sadistic lesbian prison warden Einbeck (Elisabeth Volkmann). The warden's favorite in the prison was tyrannical, orange-wigged "top bitch" inmate Sofia (35 year-old Sylvia Kristel of Emmanuelle fame), who was sentenced to life. One of the many assailed prisoners other than Christine was Barbara (Kati Marothy), who was raped and relentlessly bullied by Sofia and her followers, and eventually suicidally hanged herself.

Male Prison Guard and Chief Inmate Sofia (Sylvia Kristel) Taking Turns Raping Christine

There was the required topless group shower sequence, and Christine was continually tormented by Sofia, including her participation in a tag-team rape with a male prison guard (often in missing footage found in the unedited version of the film). After the rape, Sofia threatened that Christine's rape would happen "again and again and again" unless she was subservient and obedient.

Christine was ultimately freed from the sadistic guards and inmates by the efforts of her fiancee Mike to stage a daring sneak attack (with help from the military) to allow her to escape, by infiltrating the prison through its drains and sewage system.

Rendez-vous (1985, Fr.)

Director André Téchiné's (Best Director winner at the Cannes Film Festival) erotic, unrated French romantic drama was a Best Director winner at the Cannes Film Festival. It had many references to the tragic Shakespearean tale of Romeo & Juliet, in its portrayal of the ugly side of failed and doomed relationships - infidelity, jealousy, selfishness, dishonesty, abuse and masochism.

It illustrated sexual-artistic passion and desire in a love triangle between three individuals (the two very different males were roommates):

• Nina/Anne Larrieux (20 year-old Juliette Binoche in her first major feature film starring role), an aspiring and sexually free-spirited, 18 year-old actress with a self-destructive and impetuous streak
• Paulot (Wadeck Stanckzac), a timid, innocent young real estate agent, who became infatuated with his client Nina
• Quentin (Lambert Wilson), Paulot's roommate - a tormented, aggressive, virile, cruel, self-centered, and obsessive individual; in the past he was an actor, but was now performing in an adults-only, live-sex theatre

From Toulouse, the ambitious and headstrong Nina was newly arrived in Paris by train to live her life more fully and possibly acquire better stage roles, through various men: ("You can always get something out of a man"). Currently, she was performing in a small theatrical role as a uniformed maid, where her boyfriend Fred (Jean-Louis Vitrac) worked as an usher. After having met Paulot and inviting him to her play, she broke up with Fred in front of Paulot during a dinner dispute over her boyfriend's jealousy regarding her carnal and promiscuous life style.

She quickly became involved with the polite and shy Paulot (who was helping her to find a rental apartment and taking care of her by providing her a place in his own apartment) and his erratic and unpredictable roommate Quentin.

After a tumultuous first encounter with the very unstable Quentin (when she battered him in the forehead with her shoe's heel after he savagely kissed her), he invited her to attend his XXX live-sex show of Romeo & Juliette where he played the lead role, opposite Juliette (Caroline Faro). She was unimpressed with his performance, but was sexually attracted to him.

At the same time, she also had sex with Paulot (who had fallen in love with her) but was she was emotionally uninvolved and detached from him. In one striking scene while they were apartment hunting together, she boldly stripped off the top of her red dress and offered herself, and she also begged piteously to Paulot as she laid on the floor. Stunned and awestruck, Paulot couldn't respond to her, and hurriedly fled from the building.

Nina (Juliette Binoche) with Paulot (During Apartment Hunting)

Meanwhile, Nina and Quenin were having a short but torrid sexual love affair.

Torrid Love Affair Between Quentin and Nina

In the apartment together where Nina slept naked in bed, Quentin encouraged Paulot to touch Nina between her legs. Nina woke up startled. A few moments later as Nina and Paulot heard a car crash, it was just after Quentin had run out into the street. He tragically died under mysterious circumstances - had he suicidally jumped in front of a car or not?

Her only salvation, after quitting her previous acting job, was auditioning and being cast, although inexperienced, by Quentin's former theatre director and mentor - Scrutzler (Jean-Louis Trintignant) in a local stage production of the non-porn Romeo & Juliette. He decided to have Nina play the role of Juliette because of her relationship with Quentin.

Nina learned from Scrutzler that in the past years earlier, he had cast Quentin (in his first acting role) as Romeo. After Quentin had fallen in love with Scrutzler's daughter (Caroline Faro) (who played the XXX role of Juliette), they made a suicide pact together - emulating the character roles they were playing on-stage. She died when she successfully killed herself, while Quentin lived. Henceforth, Quentin refused to be in any future Scrutzler productions. Scrutzler therefore cast Nina to replace his dead daughter in the play but was not able to replace Quentin.

With Quentin dead, Paulot then directed his jealousy toward Scrutzler, who showed paternal love for Nina. Also, once Quentin was no longer in competition for Nina, Paulot fell out of love with Nina - but then she fell in love with him - a case of bad timing. She again offered herself to Paulot, and laid on the floor. Topless, she sat up and delivered fellatio to him, and then they began kissing each other. Their love-making was spiteful, violent and angry (and he even spit in her face as they kissed) as he was now disinterested in her. He engaged in intercourse on the stairs with her.

Paulot Spitting on and Kissing Nina While Love-Making

The film concluded with Nina's first performance as Juliette in Scrutzler's production, where she was frozen with stage-fright before the curtain opened.

The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

Writer/director Dan O'Bannon's horror film (his directorial debut) was an enjoyable, original parody or black-humor satire on the zombie subgenre, based loosely on George Romero's Night of the Living Dead (1968) about ghouls rising from the dead. It told about the unleashing of Trioxin gas on a July 4th weekend, that came down in torrents like acid rain on a cemetery and caused the dead to rise as zombies.

With a heavy-metal punkish soundtrack, the film created variations or new "rules" for Romero's zombies - the creatures could talk, walk at normal speeds, and they were more indestructible, as they sought human brains to stop the pain of death. Its tagline was:

• They're Back From The Grave and Ready To Party!

The horror film was the first of four less successful sequels:

Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)	Return of the Living Dead III (1993)
Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)	Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

Set in Louisville, Kentucky in early July of 1984, boss Burt Wilson (Clu Galager) of a medical supply company Uneeda (that provided fresh corpses for university studies) had gone home for the weekend. At Uneeda's warehouse, practical-jokester and middle-aged foreman Frank (James Karen) was instructing a new teen employee named Freddy (Thom Mathews). In the office, he was explaining how George Romero's cultish 1968 hit was based on a real-life 1969 incident (Goof: The movie was a year earlier). Frank described a chemical spill at the Pittsburgh VA hospital that leaked into a morgue and reanimated all of the dead bodies. He then told how there was a military cover-up, and the reanimated bodies were shipped off for storage, and because of various blunders, the bodies accidentally came to their warehouse. Then, Frank offered to show Freddy the collection of frozen cadavers in the basement.

While displaying the Army's old stored medical drums holding cadavers in the basement, Frank banged on the metal contained and accidentally released deadly toxic gas (Trioxin 2-4-5) - both Frank and Freddy unwittingly inhaled the chemical gas that spewed forth. Although they both became unconscious, they revived and realized that they had a "little problem" - they had to destroy the suddenly undead specimens (including humans and dogs) surrounding them - and screaming for release.

By phone, their boss Burt was summoned to the warehouse, where Freddy asked about the inherent difficulty of killing something already dead. Frank affirmed: "That's not a bad question, Burt." Burt decided to recommend that they kill the cadavers by destroying their brains. However, when they released one undead cadaver, they discovered to their horror, unlike the movie, that they could not destroy a zombie with a traditional 'head shot" to the brain or by decapitation.

They decided to incinerate the released, reanimated zombie (now in pieces, and disguised as "rabid weasels") at Ernie Kartlebrunner's (Don Calfa) mortuary - Resurrection Funeral Services. Deadly gas mixed with ash and dust combined with the clouds caused a torrential rainfall of a toxic substance that ultimately brought to life and reanimated more corpses in the nearby Resurrection Cemetery.

Meanwhile, Freddy and his girlfriend Tina (Beverly Randolph) and other punk friends had arrived on the scene to cavort in the nearby cemetery, including:

• Suicide (Mark Venturini)
• Trash (Linnea Quigley, a star-making role for the quintessential "Scream Queen" B-movie star), a red-haired, sex- and death-obsessed punkette [Note: She appeared almost fully nude in this film (and in many others).]
• Casey (Jewel Shepard)
• Scuz (Brian Peck)
• Spider (Miguel A. Núñez Jr)
• Chuck (John Philbin)

In a lengthy sequence in the cemetery, Trash (sitting spread-eagled next to a headstone) was speaking to Spider about her thoughts on the most horrible way to die:

Do you ever fantasize about being killed?...Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?...Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive....(She stood up) First, they would tear off my clothes...

She rose up and stripped off her top, and then climbed onto a large graveyard's rock tombstone - to the tune of SSQ's Tonight (We'll Make Love Until We Die) on a boom box, while illuminated by red flares. She performed a short and memorable full-frontal strip-tease, ending up wearing only thigh-high leg-warmers.

Later, Trash became stranded, left behind and alone in the cemetery, where corpses were emerging from their coffins in the ground. Her nightmarish dream came true - "a bunch of old men" (literally) began to claw, tie, and eat her - and tear off her clothes. After being transformed, she appeared out of the fog, washed nude by the rain, and was now a zombie herself. She assaulted a bum (William Stout) pushing a supermarket cart, ferociously lunged at his neck, and ate his brains.

As the film progressed, the remaining group of teen punks, the warehouse workers, police authorities and paramedics called to the scene and others ended up being assaulted by the zombies in the basement of the warehouse, in the cemetery, at the morgue, and outdoors. Frank and Freddy both had been affected and had turned into zombies. Freddy was kept from attacking by having a jar of acid thrown into his face. Before fully turning, Frank committed suicide by immolation in the crematorium.

Army officer Colonel Glover (Jonathan Terry) was forced to destroy Louisville with a nuclear weapon on the morning of July 4th, annihilating both zombies and others in the population. However, more acid rain threatened to awaken more of the thousands who were deceased, as the end credits scrolled.

A Room With a View (1985, UK)

Director James Ivory's elegant, typically-Edwardian adaptation of E.M. Forster's 1908 novel - set at the turn of the century, was told as a delightful comedy of errors tale and social satire of repressed Victorian romance and British conceit - with Forster's chapter headings as inter-titles.

In the film's opening, members of the Honeychurch family were introduced, while they were on holiday in Italy - they had just arrived for a week-long tourist holiday-trip at the Pensione Bertolini, a hotel popular with other British tourists in Florence, Italy (the Tuscany region) :

• Miss Lucy Honeychurch (Helena Bonham Carter in a star-making role in her feature film debut) - a proper, young, innocent, sheltered and buttoned-up Edwardian, who turned out to be feisty, passionate, and ravishing
• Aunt Charlotte Bartlett (Maggie Smith) - Lucy's older, fussy spinster cousin serving as her elderly chaperone

The name of the film was revealed when Charlotte complained bitterly about the dark, north-facing alleyway view: "This is not at all what we were led to expect. I thought we were going to see the Arno." Charlotte and Lucy had been placed in North-facing rooms 'without a view.'

Britisher Lucy would soon have her heart and sexuality awakened or transformed during the trip. At a communal dinner the first evening, they met individuals who would alter Lucy's viewpoints about life and love:

• Mr. Emerson (Denholm Elliott), a vulgar, unconventional, free-thinking and very forward socialist
• George Emerson (Julian Sands), his intelligent handsome son, intensely introspective, also free-spirited, but brooding and with an existential approach to life; he was later revealed to be a railway worker

(l to r): Lucy Honeychurch and Aunt Charlotte

(r to l): Mr. Emerson (Denholm Elliott) with Son George

George Emerson (Julian Sands)

While touring in the Piazza della Signoria, Lucy heard bickering between two local men and witnessed the stabbing of one youth (Luigi Di Fiore) in front of her - and as she fainted, George (who also witnessed the murder) came to her aid by grabbing her in his arms as she fell, and afterwards, they became better acquainted. He spoke about how the violent altercation had fatefully changed both of them: "Something's happened to me. And to you."

During a day trip and picnic taken by the entire British group to view the Fiesole countryside, Lucy left the group and was misdirected by the Coachman into a wheat barley field with poppies, where she found George gazing at the view by himself. There, she experienced the film's most crucial, emancipating incident - she was suddenly and unexpectedly approached and embraced by her intense free-spirited admirer and received an impetuous kiss.

At first, Charlotte was upset to witness Lucy's spontaneous emotional act with an improper and undesirable suitor. She hurriedly assembled the group (except for George who wanted to walk) to leave the picnic and return by carriage, during an afternoon thunderstorm. Charlotte was embarrassed by everything and made plans to swiftly leave the Pensione after only one-half of a week.

Upon returning home to the country town of Summer Street, in Surrey, another character in Lucy's romantic life was introduced:

• Cecil Vyse (Daniel Day-Lewis) - another of Lucy's suitors who was a prissy, dispassionate, self-possessed, uptight wealthy and aesthete gentleman with a pince-nez

Cecil's Marriage Proposal to Lucy in Garden

Cecil Vyse (Daniel Day-Lewis)

Their First Very Botched Kiss

Cecil proposed marriage to Lucy in the garden, and she accepted. They were officially engaged during a formal afternoon garden tea party in town, and then walked back home. Along the way at the site of a small pool known as Sacred Lake, Cecil politely asked for his first kiss, but then clumsily dislodged his pince-nez between their faces. As they uncomfortably continued, she had a momentary flashback of George kissing her in the field.

Then it was discovered that Mr. Emerson was moving into a rented villa in Summer Street nearby, and George would be visiting on weekends. During a scene of extended, full-frontal male nudity, Lucy (with her mother and escorted by Cecil) discovered George, her brother Freddy (Rupert Graves) and overweight Reverend Mr. Beebe (Simon Callow) swimming naked in a pond and cavorting about. At Sacred Lake pond, the male threesome had stripped down, and began to splash each other, cavort around, and then raced on foot around the pool - and were spotted by Lucy. Lucy was simply amused and giggled at the whole incident.

The very proper and dignified Lucy faced a dilemma of having George living nearby (with her repressed sensuous passion emerging). After a game of outdoor tennis, as Lucy and George walked back to the house through the garden, George again impulsively grabbed Lucy and gave her a passionate kiss (the oblivious Cecil didn't notice).

Shortly later, George daringly took the chance to firmly advise Lucy about her stoic, stuffy, cerebral, and rigid suitor Cecil who only wanted Lucy as a "possession" and could never love her. Lucy's reaction was unemotional and she seemed unmoved, and she firmly ordered him away. However, her heart, passion, and sexuality had been awakened internally.

Then outside with Cecil, Lucy made a defiant decision regarding her marital plans with her prissy, bookwormish fiancee. That evening, Lucy broke her betrothal engagement to Cecil when she announced the break-up was due to their incompatibility:

"I'm sorry, Cecil, I can't marry you, and one day you'll thank me for saying so. We're too different."

Although completely demoralized, Cecil thanked her: "I must actually thank you for what you've done. For showing me what I really am. I admire your courage. Will you shake hands?"

In the film's conclusion, Mr. Emerson had heard that Lucy was planning a trip to Greece, and realized she was only running away from her true love feelings for his son George: ("There's only one thing impossible. That's to love and to part....You love George. You love the boy body and soul, as he loves you"). Lucy concurred: "But of course I do. What did you all think?" - and implicitly agreed she had deceived everyone and herself.

Mr. Emerson's Realization of Lucy's Love For George

Lucy wrote to Charlotte about her elopement to Florence - and a voice-over described how newlyweds Lucy and her new beau George were honeymooning at the Italian pensione where they first met.

The two honeymooners were residing in their "room with a view" overlooking Florence's chiming Duomo, and kissing each other at the open window, where they spoke the film's final lines.

Secret Admirer (1985)

Co-writer/director David Greenwalt's R-rated teen romantic comedy was his directorial debut, and also the second prominent film for upcoming star Kelly Preston (pre-John Travolta). The comedy of errors featured the taglines:

• "He never knew what hit him."
• "Sometimes what you're looking for... is right beside you."
• "She's hot for you and you haven't got a clue..."

There was a basic love triangle that developed between three HS teens, involving love letters:

• Deborah Anne Fimple (Kelly Preston in her second naked film appearance of the year) - a shallow, fashion-conscious shopaholic, and a status-obsessed school beauty and prom queen; Deborah had vowed to only date frat college guys, such as jock athlete Steve Powers (Scott McGinnis)
• Michael Ryan (C. Thomas Howell) - a 16 year-old HS junior, the 'secret admirer' from afar of the seemingly-unattainable Deborah; his close male friends were Roger (Casey Siemaszko) and Doug (Courtney Gains), and his closest non-romantic female friend was Toni (see below)
• Toni Williams (Lori Loughlin, who would soon star in TV's Full House) - a classmate of both Deborah's and Michael's; she was pining for Michael, although he was only interested in attracting Deborah's attention - with her assistance

Michael Ryan (C. Thomas Howell)

Toni Williams (Lori Loughlin)

Deborah Anne Fimple (Kelly Preston)

When Michael received an unsigned love letter in his locker just before summer vacation, he wrongly was pressured into guessing that the anonymous letter was from Deborah, not knowing it was actually from his adoring friend Toni Williams. While pining for Michael, his friend Toni helped him to get closer to Deborah by rewriting his poorly-written, unromantic, and crude anonymous love letters to his dream girl - without his knowledge. She viewed his attempts at letter-writing as "dog-doo" and "greeting-card" quality, and often listened patiently as he often told her how much he loved Deborah: "Everything about her. She's perfect."

The contrived and farcical film was entirely an excuse for romantic complications and mix-ups, including thoughts of betrayal and infidelity when the letters fell into wrong hands - involving both Michael's and Deborah's neighboring parents:

• Connie (Dee Wallace-Stone) and George Ryan (Cliff De Young)
• Elizabeth (Leigh Taylor-Young) and cop Lieut. Lou Fimple (Fred Ward)

After two love letters that Toni had ghost-written for Michael, Deborah pressured her into arranging a blind-date with the mystery writer. When they met up at Cambridge Park and Michael confessed he was her anonymous letter-writer, Deborah's first reaction was: "Holy s--t!", although a few moments later she was gushing about his letters: "I just fell in love with them...I think you're a poet." She allowed him to drive the two of them to a popular teen necking spot where she removed her purple bra in the front seat and they made out. (Toni distracted Deborah's angry boyfriend Steve from finding them by intervening and pretending to seduce him. In his college dorm room after he suggested sex with a condom, she fled to the bathroom and ditched him.)

Afterwards, Deborah agreed to regularly date Michael, and at his birthday party (held at Toni's house since her parents were away), Deborah was planning to go all the way as his 17th birthday present. As they attempted intercourse in the upstairs bedroom of Toni's parents, she complained about pain: ("It hurts") and instructed him: "Do it right...Here, try again," but then he became frustrated: ("This isn't gonna work"), lost interest and refused to continue: ("I don't want to"). Then, she asserted: "What are our friends gonna think if we don't do it?" Michael blurted back: "I don't give a s--t what they think." She retorted that she didn't want him to embarrass her, revealing her complete snobbery - and incompatibility:

"Well, I DO! I told a lot of people about this. Michael, when you get down there, you act like it was the best experience you've ever had. I don't want anyone to know about this - ever."

Toni was pained by Michael's seeming blindness to her love for him, especially after his birthday party. He visited with her later that night, to tell her: "Debbie and I...I think I made a big mistake." She described how the big surprise "highlight" of the evening had been Michael having sex in her parents' bedroom: "What it turns out to be is a couple of friends screwing in my parents' bedroom...I don't like being used!" Michael revealed that "not much happened," that Deborah was very shallow, and he asked if Toni would consider dating him:

"I think we oughta go on a real date. You and me, together...I don't know what the hell happened to Debbie!...lt just wasn't what I thought it was supposed to be. I expected her to be like you...Toni, you and I have been friends for a long time. And I like being with you more than with anybody else."

Events were too raw for her to immediately accept him back, and she rejected his offer: "I think you just won the asshole-of-the-year award."

The predictable film ended at the beginning of the fall semester after Michael (now a senior) had finally learned that his true 'secret admirer' who had written the love letters was Toni, and that she had loved him all along. Michael stole Steve's red Alfa Romeo convertible to wildly drive to the Long Beach harbor-dock, to catch up to her. [Note: The scene paid homage to the concluding scene in The Graduate (1967), as Benjamin raced to the church in his red sportscar to express his love for Elaine.]

Toni's year-at-sea study boat ("School Afloat") had already departed, but he was able to call out to her from the dock, and reciprocate his love for her by admitting he had always loved her:

I know you wrote the letters!...The letters! I know you wrote 'em! Don't leave me! I love you!...I love you! Do you love me?

She first answered with exasperation: "What difference does it make?" He persisted and asked again: "But do you love me?" When she responded favorably: ("Yes! Does that make you feel any better?"), he dove into the water and she also jumped in to meet him halfway, as they embraced and kissed in the water.

[See other entries: "Raunchy Teen-Sex Comedies of the 1980s."]

Smooth Talk (1985)

Writer/director Joyce Chopra's brilliant but haunting and unsettling coming-of-age drama won the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival (then called the U.S. Film Festival) in 1986. Chopra's feature-directing debut film was based on Joyce Carol Oates' 1966 allegorical short story "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?"

The main setting of the film was in the Petaluma area of Northern California at the rural fixer-upper farmhouse (that needed renovation and painting) of a young teen girl during a lazy summer vacation:

• Connie Wyatt (18 year-old Laura Dern in her first lead role), a rebellious, often self-absorbed, semi-vain, shallow, gawky and confused adolescent 15 year-old blonde girl on the treacherous verge of womanhood; she was continually struggling with her mother in a drive for self-independence; the self-conscious and awkward young female had just completed her freshman year in HS - she was boy-crazy and craved male attention

Other members of her family included her overbearing, overworked, sarcastic and complaining mother Katherine (Mary Kay Place) who feared that her self-centered daughter had only dark and "trashy daydreams," her somewhat oblivious, cheerful and easy-going father Harry (Levon Helm) who considered her 'daddy's little girl', and her older more 'perfect' but homely 24 year-old sister June (a miscast Elizabeth Berridge), who still lived at home, was working to support the family, and looked down on Connie as a lazy and spoiled brat. Connie also had negative things to say about June: "My parents treat her like Miss Perfect, and I'm some career criminal." Connie also hated her mother's perceived hatred for her: "God, why does she think I'm so bad?"

Connie Wyatt (Laura Dern)

Katherine (Mary Kay Place)

June (Elizabeth Berridge)

In one of the film's earliest scenes (her second visit to the mall), Connie joined her girlfriends: cool Laura Condon (Margaret Welsh) and inexperienced and naive Jill O'Mara (Sara Inglis), where they immediately went into the ladies' room to get dolled up by putting on lipstick and makeup, and changing into more revealing clothing in order to attract attention (often unwanted).

Throughout the hot summer, Connie was alternately practicing conversations with make-believe boyfriends in front of her bathroom mirror, painting her toenails, going to the mall or the movies, sunbathing, making bead necklaces, plotting her next away-from-home escapade and lying about it, or in her bedroom (with a James Dean poster) listening to music (significantly James Taylor's 1977 hit-song remake version of 'Handy Man' from 1959, that brought her to heights of ecstasy). She began to spend much of her idle time at Frank's - a local roadside hot-dog, hamburger and beer joint next to a busy highway where older guys hung out: ("This is where it's at").

During her first visit to Frank's (by crossing the busy and dangerous highway - toward the 'grown-up' world allegorically), wearing a revealing halter-top, she was closely observed from outside by a mysterious stranger with mirrored aviator Ray-Ban sunglasses. In two separate instances, Connie was picked up at Frank's by two different guys for two quasi-sexual encounters:

• Jeff Toussaint (William Ragsdale) - a decent recent HS grad, who flattered her ego: ("cutest girl in the whole freshman class")

As she left Frank's with Jeff, the stranger pointed at Connie and ominously warned with an unexpected greeting: "I'm watching you" - as he twirled one extended finger at her. Jeff drove them to a lover's lane overlook area. After Connie offered an escape wish: "I wish I could just travel somewhere," she received a single kiss.

Stranger (pointing at Connie): "I'm watching you."

• Eddie Hunter (David Berridge) - an aggressive male who was more single-mindedly interested for sex: ("I wanna get what you got"); he drove them into an empty parking garage where he touched and kissed her before she cautioned him to stop before exiting the car: ("Stop. Look, I'm not used to feeling this excited"); for the first time, she suddenly realized the overwhelming and dangerous power of steamy sex and that she wasn't emotionally ready

Connie's relationship with her mother also worsened when she threatened to punish Connie for potentially fooling around and having sex. Their conflict intensified when Connie insultingly mentioned that her mother had set a poor example by getting pregnant at an early age: ("You were none too careful yourself, were you? Like you're some example to try to tell me..") - and her mother slapped her for insolence.

After her first sexual experiences with boys, and developing problems with her mother, Connie confided in her older sister June (who was also worried about Connie getting herself into trouble) about how much she enjoyed male attentiveness and desirability:

"I never knew it was gonna be so nice. Did you ever have a boy hold you close and sing to you? This one boy Eddie - he sang to me right in my ear. And he held me so sweetly. Ah June, don't you know how that feels? Just to be held like that?"

Connie didn't realize that what she had said cruelly implied that June had never been in love or propositioned. Although June was truly envious of her younger sister's beauty, she hated her bitchiness: "You're gonna have it all, aren't you? And you think you deserve it."

In the film's most effective scenes at her empty home on a hot Sunday afternoon while her family was away at a BBQ at her Aunt's place that she refused to attend, Connie was again daringly intrigued and mesmerized by the arrival of:

• Arnold Friend (Treat Williams) - the seductive, beguiling and predatory 30-ish man from Frank's, who pulled up in a drab goldish-yellow Pontiac LeMans convertible; he wore black cowboy boots, jeans and an open-necked short-sleeved light yellow shirt (posturing and dressed like James Dean)

The tune on Connie's radio in the house was the same tune loudly blaring from Arnold's car as he drove up the gravel driveway. He greeted her: "How ya doing? I ain't late, am I?...I told ya I'd be out, didn't I?...You're cute." He was with his shy, peculiar and strange friend Ellie Oscar (Geoff Hoyle), who had his shirt-collar up and was listening to the tune on a transistor radio next to his ear.

Arnold had previously noticed her at the drive-in (when he told her: "I'm watching you"), but now formally introduced himself: "I'm Arnold Friend and that's my real name. And that's what I wanna be to you, a friend." Arnold spoke about the meaning of the numbers 33-19-17 printed on the left side of his car. "This here's a secret code. But I'm gonna let you in on it."

[Note: The total of the numbers equaled 69 - a reference to a deviant sexual position. The numbers also hinted at a Bible verse (Judges 19:17): "When he looked and saw the traveler in the city square, the old man asked, 'Where are you going? Where did you come from?'"]

During a 30-minute confrontation, the antagonistic Friend hypnotically, persuasively, and provocatively spoke to Connie, continually encouraging her to join him for a ride: "Don't you wanna go for a ride?...Today's your day set aside to go for a ride with me, and you know it." He admitted he was stalking her: "I know my Connie. I've been watching you. Hey! Me and Ellie come out here especially for you."

With a very disturbing look, he revealed he intimately knew all about her and her activities:

I know your name and all about you. I took a real special interest in you. Such a pretty girl. I found out all about you. Like I know your parents and your sister are gone somewhere. I know how long they're gonna be gone. And I know who you were with last night. And you got one best friend. Her name is Laura...

He claimed he knew the names of many of her acquaintances, was about her age (18), and then mostly flirted with her and seduced her from outside her thin screen door behind which she had retreated. He refused to leave when she kindly asked a few times: ("I'm not leaving till you come with me"), and continued to insist: "And Connie, no matter who you were with last night, today you're with Arnold Friend, and don't you forget it....You're special. I saved my whole Sunday afternoon just for you."

Their encounter was a metaphoric, smooth-talking representation of sexual experience, the promise of fulfillment, corruption, and sin -- she was intimidated by him and put under his evil spell when he forcefully and antagonistically spoke to her and insisted on taking her away to an open field for sex and love:

"You're my date. I'm your lover, Connie...Yes, I'm your lover. You don't know what that is, but you will. I know that, too. I know all about you. Hey, it's real nice. And you couldn't ask for nobody better than me or more polite. I always keep my word. And I'll hold you so nice and tight, you won't need to think about anything, or pretend anything, and you won't even wanna get away, even if you're scared. Hell, everybody's scared the first time. That's why I'm so specially nice. I come along just when you need a friend. And I'll come inside you where it's all secret and I'll whisper..."

She felt he was crazy but couldn't get him to stop: "Shut up. You're crazy. People don't talk like that." He circled back to his original objective: "I want you, Connie. I want you so bad....I seen you that night and I said: 'Oh, my God, that's the one.' 'That is the one.' 'The very special one.' I never had to look no more." He tried to reassure her: "There's nothing to worry about. You're just a little scared is all." He asked again: "Be sweet and pretty like you wanna be and give in to me and get away from here before your folks come back. You don't want them to get back here before we do. Now, get up, honey. It's best you get up all by yourself. Come on, sweetheart."

And then he delivered a knock-out phrase to convince her that he truly understood her longings more than her parents, with a promise to assist her in crossing the threshhold (of the house and of her own life) toward womanhood:

And they don't know one thing about you and never did. Not a one of 'em would've done this for you.

She tentatively approached the screen door and then joined him - to depart from the protection of the house, and her parents, and everything that had shielded her in the past. She corrected him with a sassy retort when he said: "My sweet little blue-eyed girl" - "What if my eyes were brown?"

A slow-tracking shot from left to right viewed Arnold's unoccupied car parked in an open field. In the ambiguous Rorschach-test ending, Connie survived her ride (mostly off-screen) and was returned home. As Arnold dropped her off at the end of the driveway, he confirmed that he had kept his basic promise: "I asked you to go for a ride with me today, and you came. And that's what happened. Am I right?" She left the car, walked slowly to the driver's side of the car, towered above him, and insisted: "I don't wanna see you here again. Ever. Understand?"

Connie was inevitably very dazed and her innocence was altered by the experience (had she been raped or sexually-assaulted, or had she engaged in consensual sex, or had she just gone for a Sunday drive, or was it all in her mind?). The "trashy daydreams" of her adolescent teen years that her mother referred to had been shattered by the awakened Connie who had now come-of-age and realized she could no longer live in a fantasy world. When her estranged family returned home, Connie seemed to reconcile with them.

Later that day in her room when asked by her sister what had happened that afternoon, Connie answered with a confused recollection:

This man - he came and asked me for a ride. And I went. You know, uh...Maybe I didn't go. Maybe I'm going out of my mind. Listen, I didn't go. Don't worry. That didn't even happen.

The film concluded with them slow-dancing together to "Handy Man."

The Sure Thing (1985)

Director Rob Reiner's traditional coming-of-age comedy romance (and road film) was his second feature film following after This Is Spinal Tap (1984). Its theme was the temptations of an ideal "sure thing" that also involved a cross-country journey of two mismatched individuals (similar to It Happened One Night (1934)) who ultimately found love together. The film's taglines were:

• "A sure thing comes once in a lifetime...but the real thing lasts forever."
• "He's onto a sure thing...but ends up on the funniest journey to romance you've ever seen."

John Cusack's 1985 appearance in this film was one of many teen-comedy pictures he starred in as an adolescent during the 1980s:

• Class (1983)
• Sixteen Candles (1984)
• Grandview, U.S.A. (1984)
• Better Off Dead... (1985)
• One Crazy Summer (1986)
• Hot Pursuit (1987)
• Tapeheads (1988)
• Say Anything (1989)

The predictable teen road film, with many quotable and memorable lines of dialogue, opened by introducing the main teen characters:

• Walter "Gib" Gibson (17 year-old John Cusack in his first lead role), a recent HS grad, and a quick-witted slacker who was heading to an Ivy League, New England school in the fall as a freshman
• Alison Bradbury (Daphne Zuniga), Gib's fastidious, chaste, studious, prim-and-proper, predictable and conservative college classmate, with an equally-stuffy, tea-drinking law-student boyfriend Jason (Boyd Gaines) at UCLA
• Lance (Anthony Edwards), Gib's dim-witted, party-loving, bound-for-UCLA best buddy

Walter "Gib" Gibson (John Cusack)

Alison Bradbury (Daphne Zuniga)

Lance (Anthony Edwards)

In the film's opening, after a title credits montage (to the tune of Rod Stewart's "Infatuation" showing a sexy, string bikini-clad sunbather), recent HS grad Gib was at an outdoor HS party shown delivering a ready-made speech to a prospective coed about a "cosmic Adam and Eve" sent into space: ("How would you like to have a sexual encounter so intense it could conceivably change your political views?") - it immediately caused him to strike out.

He commiserated with his best friend Lance about his trouble connecting with HS girls ("Maybe I'm past my prime"). Lance bragged that he was on his way to the West Coast for schooling with college-aged females, and denounced Gib's college destination choice as full of nerdy intellectuals: "The Ivy League stinks, man. All they got there are those ugly intellectual girls with Band-Aids on their knees from playing the cello. No thank you." Once school started, Gib wrote to Lance about his difficulties: "I'm floundering in a sea of confusion and total despair."

During the fall semester in his English class with eccentric teacher Professor Taub (Viveca Lindfors), Gib sat next to Alison Bradbury, and listened as his essay on smart pizza consumption was criticized for sloppiness, misspellings and ungrammatical sentences, while Alison's paper was rated impersonal, dry and heavy: ("There's not enough of you coming through. Loosen up, Alison. Have some fun!"). Taub offered advice: "Make love in a hammock! Life is the ultimate experience. And you have to experience it in order to write about it."

Shortly later, Gib delivered a sob-story tale (as Alison swam laps in an indoor pool) - a guilt-trip trick to convince the uptight Alison to become his writing tutor, because he feared that he would fail in school - and then bring destitution upon himself by his mid-30s:

I flunk English, I'm outta here. Kiss college goodbye. I don't know what I'll do. I'll probably go home. Gee, Dad'll be pissed off. Mom will be heartbroken. If I play my cards right, I get maybe a six-month grace period and then I gotta get a job, and you know what that means....When I get out of jail, I'm 36 years old. Living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find me, face down talking to the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner. And why? Because you wouldn't help me in English, no! You were too busy to help me! Too busy to help a drowning man. (He fell into the pool)

Their first tutoring session ended in awkward failure when he delivered a mock proposal to her, although he impressed her with his knowledge of astronomy on the library roof-top. Although he later apologized to her for being an "asshole," he again embarrassed himself and caused Alison to be disgusted with him when he accidentally grabbed his roommate's raunchy love letter and it was read outloud in his English class (excerpt: "I am relatively well-equipped with 10 inches of solid man meat").

Lance called Gib from sunny warm California and recommended a dream date - "She was just released from parochial school. She's in her experimental phase...She loves sex." He reminded Gib of the snapshot he had sent earlier of the female - a blonde in a string bikini -- "She's a sure thing, Gib. A sure thing...I told her all about you, and she's dying to meet you." That was enough to lure Gib to California during Christmas break.

Gib didn't realize that his ride-share, cross-country companion would be Alison - she had signed up on the "Ride Share" board and was planning to visit her boyfriend at UCLA. They rode in the backseat as driver Gary Cooper (Tim Robbins) ("I'm Gary Cooper, but not the Gary Cooper that's dead") and his girlfriend Mary Ann Webster (Lisa Jane Persky) sang show tunes and played stupid games in the front. During the ride in the back seat, Gib experienced his first dream fantasy of "traveling 3,000 miles to get laid," meeting the "Sure Thing" (Nicollette Sheridan in her film debut) in a Malibu beachhouse and being seductively whispered to:

"Before you go any further, let's be honest. You want it. I want it. You know I want it. You don't have to bulls--t me to get it. And even if you do bulls--t me, you still get it...."

During the trip, Alison mostly regarded Gib as vulgar and crude, especially since his comfort junk food (for breakfast) included Hostess Snoballs, fried pork rinds and cheese balls washed down with beer. At one point, Gib criticized Alison for being so uptight and not taking risks:

What the hell's wrong with being stupid once in awhile? Does everything you do always have to be sensible?...Haven't you ever thrown water balloons off a roof? When you were a little kid didn't you ever sprinkle Ivory flakes on the living room floor 'cause you wanted to make it snow in July? Didn't you ever get really s--tfaced and maybe make a complete fool out of yourself and still have an excellent time?...Don't you know how great it makes you feel when you do something totally spontaneous? Something totally off the wall?

To prove that she was "spontaneous" and not repressed, after a guy in a pickup truck had mooned them, Alison removed her top and flashed her breasts out the window, while yelling out: "Twist and shout! Come to mama, boys!" They were immediately abandoned by the side of the road. The mismatched couple's continuing journey to California was filled with further misadventures and bad luck, although their antagonisms toward each other also revealed their true selves. Their time on the road included hitchhiking in a pickup truck with a redneck, the rescue of Alison from a sexual assault, Alison's forgetfulness (leaving behind her appt. book and cash), Alison's faking of pregnancy to get a ride, and a bad rainstorm. They were saved when she found her father's credit card for use in an emergency, and they could afford a fancy meal and hotel.

During the ups and downs of their time together, Gib experienced a second dream fantasy of the "Sure Thing" in a skimpy white bikini at her luxury oceanside Malibu beach home, as Gib napped in the swimming pool, while she begged for more sex:

Sure Thing: "Come on, Giblet, one more time, one more time."
Gib: "I can't. Tomorrow, I promise."
Sure Thing: "It was so good. It was so masterful, relentless, but with a delicate touch. Confident, creative. I was overwhelmed. You're a true artist."
Gib: "Just let me sleep a while. Regain my strength. Five minutes. A grace period, if you will."
Sure Thing: "Please?"

Meanwhile, as Alison and Gib shared a bed in the luxury hotel in Arizona before going to sleep, she shared her thoughts about a future with her boyfriend Jason, whom she called a "real achiever." Their idealistic plan was to both become lawyers and open up a practice together in Vermont. Gib asked a crucial question: "I mean, is he funny? Does he make you laugh?" Once asleep, Gib experienced a 3rd fantasy dream in the Malibu house, but this time he dreamt about Alison, and awoke in the morning with her in his arms. However, he was still looking forward to his time with the 'Sure Thing' - a wish overheard by Alison that caused a rift between them when they parted ways at UCLA in Los Angeles. She sarcastically told him: "Have fun with your 'sure thing.'"

Upon arrival in California ("Home of the waves and the babes" according to Lance), Alison immediately had second thoughts about her fastidious, run-of-the-mill, boring tea-drinking boyfriend, exemplified when she asked him: "Do you have any beer?" and then 'shot-gunned' it as Gib had taught her. Meanwhile, Gib was invited by Lance to a Tahitian X-Mas frat party, where he was complimented for his single-minded trip: "3,000 miles just to get laid, huh? Really respect that." Alison heard that a party was being held closeby and encouraged the stuffy Jason to reluctantly attend with her.

When Gib was about to meet the sexy blonde of his dreams at the party, Lance promised him: "Tonight is the first night of the rest of your sex life." When Gib showed some hesitation about the arrangement: ("I don't think I can go through with this"), Lance was shocked, and continued to encourage him to be strong:

"Gib, you want a relationship? That's fine. Just remember that every relationship starts with a one night stand. You came 3,000 miles for a reason, didn't ya? Would you look at that reason. Go for it, Gib, you've earned it."

For a moment, Gib gathered up his courage: "Hell, I could use a torrid night of cheap, meaningless lust." But then, Alison and Jason arrived, and she saw Gib with the 'Sure Thing.' They eyed each other as they danced and then spoke for a few moments at the punch-bowl - causing Jason some jealousy about their past acquaintance: ("How do you know that guy?...How do you know he snores?...How do you know what he eats for breakfast?"). Upset by Gib's behavior as he took the 'Sure Thing' to Lance's room, Alison stomped out of the party, revealing both her hurt and her hidden love for him.

As it was later more fully revealed, Gib became very uncomfortable with the 'Sure Thing' - and also ultimately realized that Alison - his smart, seemingly-incompatible traveling companion to the West Coast - was more suited for him.

In their writing class after Gib and Alison had both returned to the East Coast school after vacation, an English essay he had written titled The Sure Thing was read outloud by his teacher Professor Taub:

"'It could be tonight,' he thought, as he stood in the corner, pretending to have a good time. He would meet her tonight. All his young life, he had dreamed of a girl like this. 5'6", long silky hair, trim, nubile body. (Nubile, by the way, is spelled with a 'u'.) Nubile body that really knew how to move, and soft deeply-tanned skin. Now as for personality traits, she needed only one. She had to love sex and all the time. To arrive at this moment, he had traveled vast distances enduring many hardships. Abject poverty, starvation, show tunes, you name it. From across the room, he saw her. She was perfect. He knew almost nothing about her and she didn't know much more about him. It was exactly how it was supposed to be. He brought her to his room. The lights were soft, the moment was right. Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear, 'Do you love me?' Thoughts raced through his mind. Did she really want him? What had he done to deserve this bounty? Does God exist? Who invented liquid soap and why? 'Do you love me?' Staring into her eyes, he knew that she really needed to hear it, but for the first time in his life, he knew these were no longer just words and if he said it, it would be a lie. 'Do you love me?' she whispered. 'Do you love me?' It would not be tonight. The answer was no."

Alison stated that she had broken up with Jason - she had remained silent after Jason asked the same question to her about Gib: 'Do you love him?' She realized that Gib hadn't slept with his "sure thing" ("You didn't sleep with her") - he confirmed: "She wasn't my type" - and they shared a curtain-closing, feel-good ending kiss under the stars on the library roof-top.

[See other entries: "Raunchy Teen-Sex Comedies of the 1980s."]

Director Herb Freed teamed up with Crown International Pictures for this teen-sex drama - typical sexist drive-in fare for the mid-1980s. It was a more modern take on the musical and Doris Day movie Calamity Jane (1953). It was not to be confused with the more recent transgender film Tomboy (2011).

The T&A cable classic's gender politics theme about proving one's girl-power and being equal to a man (similar to the decade's Flashdance (1983) with Jennifer Beals as a welder) was embedded in the title character's conflict between demonstrating love for a guy and retaining her integrity and self-respect. Her strong female empowerment was mostly exploitative though, since she was often viewed as a sex object who went topless to show off her breasts.

Its tagline was:

• "It's Not Just a Man's World Anymore."

The main 'tomboy' title character was:

• Tomasina "Tommy" Boyd (Betsy Russell) ("Tomboy" = Tommy Boyd), a spunky, dark curly-haired, 'tomboyish' teen race-car driver and skilled auto mechanic ("grease monkey") at Chester's Garage and filling station in Los Angeles, CA, working for older owner Chester (Richard Erdman)

The film began with Tommy as a youngster (with a highly-decorated astronaut father) playing baseball and scoring a run (typically male activities), and then immediately grown up taking a sudsy shower and pulling on her jeans, under the opening title credits. Presumably, she was uninterested in males and more fascinated by cars. Although "Tommy" was fiercely independent, she had always idolized a poster of a handsome race-car driver:

• Randy Starr (Gerard Christopher), a studly, cocky, handsome pin-up race-car driver, with typically chauvinistic male attitudes

At the gas station, Tommy spoke to her gold-digging, slutty bleach-blonde girlfriend Seville Ritz (Kristi Somers), an aspiring actor-dancer who proposed that she act more feminine and date guys:

"You really should go out with somebody sometime...You know damn well why. It's not natural for a girl to be fixin' engines and playin' ball all the time. Face it, honey, you can't be a tomboy all your life."

After Seville's dance audition (with 80s leotards, aerobics outfits and leg-warmers), she was part of a group shower sequence where a clothed Tommy spoke to her as she soaped up. "Tommy" snickered when Seville described a fellow dancer named Carlos (Cory Hawkins), who happened to be nearby and heard her penile insults about his lack of endowment:

"Carlos, forget it. Look, men are small. Their brains are small, and their dicks are even smaller. And Carlos, ha, ha, I happen to know for a fact, all he's got down there is a pair of socks....My girlfriend Sherry went out with him. She says, 'Forget it.' He's like so tiny, you can get laid and not even know it."

Seville Ritz (Kristi Somers)

Carlos walked in on Seville as she was delivering manhood insults about him - coming around the corner from an adjoining men's shower-room, and handing her a towel! To cover up her insults, she looked at him (and his genitals) and added: "Sherry is a liar," but he refused her inviting advances (to go to her apartment) and told her that he had a husband and was gay! She lamented: "What a waste! Tommy, that's the story of my life." Shortly later at the Atomic Cafe, Tommy lectured Seville (after she had failed her audition) about empowerment and self-reliance:

"Seville, when are you going to learn? Nobody is going to do anything for you. The more you depend on other people, the more punishment you set up for yourself. Don't you understand that?"

Tommy finally met Randy when he visited her garage accompanied by one of her wealthy car customers - a young, brash, playboyish investor-millionaire named Ernie Leeds, Jr. (Eric Douglas, Kirk Douglas' youngest son) of Leed's Racing. At a party held at Leeds' house, Tommy and her friend Seville (who was looking for "new contacts" and funds to support her potential TV acting career) arrived to mingle. On the property, Tommy showed an interest in Randy's automobile collection (including his favorite racing stock car), when he entered the garage and asked her - with sexual innuendo and slight aggression: "You look like a healthy female. Honey, don't you ever just relax and let it all hang out?"

She accepted his challenge and decided to compete against him in a two-person Honda XR motocross dirt bike race (to the catchy tune of Snuff's "United or Divided"). Although ahead most of the way, she ended up dumping herself into a small river. As she took off her soaking wet jeans jacket to reveal her wet tank top underneath, Randy cautioned: "Be careful, Tomboy. You get all that grease washed off, you might discover you're a girl after all." She then displayed her generous chest to him when she changed out of her white T-shirt - without any indication of shyness or embarrassment - and he was astonished and speechless. As she took off, she told him about her next project: "To work on my suspension." She began to have thoughts about exhibiting her more feminine side to him.

The Tomboy (Betsy Russell) Changing Her Wet T-Shirt

After being invited to another wild party ("big bash") at Ernie Jrs' home with Seville, Tommy was now dressed more enticingly with a black leather mini-skirt. The sleazy Ernie viewed her as a sex object: "Wow, Tomboy the mechanic? Well, I'll be damned. Randy sure knows a fine set of meat when he sees it. He was right." Ernie pimped Amanda (Cynthia Thompson in her film debut), one of his lady friends to an older gent for a good time, and informed Tommy: "I need an IRS judge, and I wanna make sure he has a good time tonight." Seville gathered a crowd by performing an impromptu striptease.

Tommy went looking for Randy and was disgusted when she found him watching a porno film in a back room. They were at odds with each other (he claimed she lacked "social graces" and was a "spoiled child"), but still he remained attracted to her strange uniqueness: ("I just don't know how to turn you on...Why don't you give me a chance to get close to you?"). In the exercise room of the house, the feisty Tommy challenged Randy to spar in a boxing match against her with boxing gloves, leading to friendly wrestling and kissing after he knocked her down. He was atop her when she ripped open his shirt to reveal his chiseled chest and abs. And then when she straddled him, he reciprocated by ripping open her top and grabbing both of her breasts before they both went nude and had sex together. During the next interlude, they had become a romantic couple cavorting together.

At another of Ernie's parties, in the pool area, a topless Amanda brought drinks on a platter to two older gentlemen (Ernie and his business mentor and racecar investor Earl Delarue (Philip Sterling)). Meanwhile, Jennifer (Rory Barish) sunbathed topless on a yellow float in the pool.

Pool Scene: Amanda (Cynthia Thompson)	Pool Scene: Jennifer (Rory Barish)	Woman in Corvette (Michelle Bauer)
Gratuitous Nudity

The film's climactic battle-of-the-sexes stock car race was set up when "amateur driver" Tommy proved that she could maneuver a race-car on a track, although she was still demeaned by Ernie: "This chick, she's an amateur. She's a broad that gets off on race-cars." Ernie's financial partner Delarue's interest was piqued when Tommy mentioned that she had her own custom-built "Tommy" car that could race against Ernie's car.

Just before a planned race, in a short completely-unrelated vignette scene, a Woman in a Corvette (Michelle Bauer, a horror scream queen) provided a brief sexy moment when she pulled over to pick up nerdy hitchhiker Harold (Toby Iland) in her flashy automobile, and opened up her white, low-cut top for a tantalizing look.

A 10-mile challenge race to prove Tommy's worth was held at Center Raceway (filmed at Indian Dunes), with a large cash prize to the winner provided by Delarue. Although she was doubtful that she would be victorious, on race day, Tommy won the race with the use of her own blue and white striped race car (emblazoned with her name) with a flaming, 'jet-propelled' engine, while Randy's more expensive car (supported by Ernie) began to smoke in the final lap and broke down.

After Tommy's victory against Randy, he sincerely congratulated her on the win. She drove a hard bargain with racing team owner Ernie Leeds, Jr., to have Tommy's car funded and officially endorsed to race at Daytona 500 in Florida, although Randy would be the race-driver rather than Tommy. She firmly insisted on a large percentage (not 10% but 50% of the profits) and having her name painted on the race-car:

"50%, and all expenses come out of your end....My car wasn't built for the Leeds family and nobody's gonna call it a Leeds car. Your family has been ripping off designers like me for years. That's all over now."

A brief conversation between Tommy and Randy concluded the film - about whether she might be joining Randy in the Daytona "Tommy Car" pit crew:

Randy: "What about you, Tommy? Will you be going to Daytona?"
Tommy: "You've got my car. What do you need me for?"
Randy: "But that's not the same."
Seville: (To Tommy) "Well, are you going to Daytona or not?"

Tommy (coyly after a long pause): "Maybe."

[See other entries: "Raunchy Teen-Sex Comedies of the 1980s."]

Weird Science (1985)

Writer/director John Hughes' wish-fulfillment, escapist teen sex fantasy-comedy classic was a combination of magical science-fiction, HS satire, and typical elements of a buddy film. The sophomoric, zany and immature film was mostly intended for young adolescent male audiences with active, wet-dream fantasy lives.

As a result of the popular time-capsule film, about a decade later, a five-season USA Network TV series was produced with the same title Weird Science (1994-1998) - it starred Michael Manasseri and John Asher as the two young males, and British model Vanessa Angel as the computerized dream girl.

Other films that established John Hughes as the master of the 1980s high-school-themed teen-angst comedy included:

• Sixteen Candles (1984), Hughes' directorial debut film, also writer
• The Breakfast Club (1985), director, writer, and producer
• Weird Science (1985), director, writer
• Pretty in Pink (1986), writer and producer
• Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986), director, writer, and producer
• Some Kind of Wonderful (1987), writer and producer

Weird Science (1985) was described by its taglines:

• Something weird is happening at Wyatt and Gary's.
• They went from zeroes to heroes in one fantastic weekend.
• Gary and Wyatt have created the perfect woman and she'll do anything they say all in the name of science.

A longer description appeared on posters:

It all started with some wishful thinking and a little help from the supernatural. Now, there's a Pershing missile sticking through the roof. Expensive sports cars in the driveway. And an incredibly sexy woman heading for the bedroom. Nobody knows where it will end. But it's turning their lives. Their minds. And their house upside down.

The story revolved around two awkward, suburban, 15 year-old teenaged nerds or geeks from Shermer HS in the Chicago (Illinois) area, continually frustrated for being dateless and unpopular with the girls ("Nobody likes us, nobody"), although they often admired the unattainable females from afar and fantasized about being studs:

• Gary Wallace (Anthony Michael Hall)
• Wyatt Donnelly (Ilan Mitchell-Smith)

Out of pure hormonal/sexual frustration during a weekend when their parents were away and they were being supervised by Wyatt's cruel, military-minded, thuggish older brother Chet (Bill Paxton), the boys decided to use Wyatt's computer (a Memotech MTX 512) to create a "perfect" but not "flesh and blood" female after watching a colorized print of the classic mad scientist horror film Frankenstein (1931). Gary was enthused about "actually making a girl, just like Frankenstein, but cuter."

Colorized 1931 Version on TV in Weird Science (1985)

Screenshot From Original 1931 Frankenstein

As a modern-day Dr. Frankenstein, Gary became more and more excited about bringing life to a digital, inanimate object: "We're gonna make her as real as possible, Wyatt. I want her to live, I want her to breathe. I want her to aerobicize." At one point, Wyatt initially gave their creation an intellectual level of a 5th grader, and mammoth wire-framed computer breasts, to which Gary remarked:

"Anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprained tongue."

Connected by a phone modem, they started feeding the computer with cut-out images from their locked stash of Playboy, Penthouse and various glamour magazine photos of supermodels (from Cosmopolitan and Vogue), and others of Beethoven (for musical ability), Albert Einstein (for intelligence), Houdini (for magical trickery) and David Lee Roth of the group Van Halen (for personality), while wearing brassieres on their heads (Gary explained it was: "Ceremonial"). They also connected electrodes to a plastic Barbie-doll figure.

Components Fed Into Computer to Create a Girl

The computer started to act on its own after gaining access into a government mainframe to steal computer processing power, as it assembled the data - and lightning from a freakish electrical storm activated the doll.

Suddenly after lots of explosions and wind, everything stopped and the bathroom door to Wyatt's room began to bulge inward, before finally exploding. Out of the red-lit, foggy doorway entered a sexy, leggy red-headed female that the boys had conjured up:

• Lisa (Kelly LeBrock, British-American actress and supermodel) - wearing nothing but micro-panties and a small white muscle-shirt crop-top; she was later named Lisa by the boys
  [Note: Her name was inspired by Apple Computer's first GUI computer - the Apple Lisa. Later, in a 2009 documentary, Kelly LeBrock described her character Lisa as "Mary Poppins with breasts."]

The "Perfect" Woman - Lisa (Kelly LeBrock)

The 23 year-old alluring female stood in the doorway, as the camera panned up her body, passing her bikini panties and a bare midriff before a view of her skimpy, cut-off white turtleneck. Dr. Frankenstein shouted from their television: "She's alive! Alive!" Their genie-like creation cooed with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes: "So... what would you little maniacs like to do first?"

In the subsequent scene, the two wide-eyed boys ogled her as they shared a shower with her (although the males remained strategically clothed with their jeans and shoes, with their hands cupped in front of their genitals), as the camera panned up and down her naked body. [Note: She wore a bikini bottom, and her nipples were covered with black tape.] She complimented the two speechless boys:

"You guys created me. I didn't come from anywhere. Before you started messing around with your computer, I didn't even exist. By the way, you did an excellent job. Thank you. Showering is real fun, isn't it? If we're gonna have any kind of fun together, you guys had better loosen up."

Afterwards, she magically provided them with a pink '59 Cadillac Series 62 convertible (a Barbie Doll favorite) and cool clothes before she drove them to a Blues Club, a dive bar full of middle-aged black men. She handed them fake IDs, after she had told them: "I can get anything I want." Her desire was to "party" while she helped the boys practice being more self-confident, acquire "inner strength and courage" and eventually find girlfriends for themselves. At one point, she point-blank told Wyatt: "You and Gary, you want friends, you want popularity, you want all that stuff, right?...So I'm giving it to you."

That evening, she taught Wyatt how to kiss, and after a few tries, she hinted to him that he could do anything with her: "You made me. You control me." The next scene was the following morning, so she presumably slept with him, but as Lisa explained, he passed out 10 seconds into sex and nothing had happened.

A little later in the story, she proposed a massive, orgy-like party ("this nasty little soiree") on Saturday night at Wyatt's house: ("If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle"). At Gary's house with his stunned, conservative parents, she warned what would happen at the party - there would be party animals, food, drugs, S&M paraphernalia, and loud music:

You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll - chips, dips, chains, whips, you know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.

Thoroughly embarrassing Gary in front of his parents, she added: "Have you ever wondered how sad it is that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?...This guy deserves a party." She wielded a gun (a toy squirt gun actually) to make her point clear - with a quote-reference similar to Dirty Harry's line in Sudden Impact (1983) ("Go ahead, make my day").

(l to r): Max (Robert Rusler) and Ian (Robert Downey Jr.)

(l to r): Hilly (Judie Aronson) and Deb (Suzanne Snyder)

At the wild and raucous party through Lisa's manipulations, both Gary and Wyatt became more assertive and confident with the girlfriends of their bullying rivals Max (Robert Rusler) and Ian (Robert Downey Jr.), telling themselves: "Let's score points with these two":

• Hilly (Judie Aronson), brunette -- Ian's girlfriend
• Deb (Suzanne Snyder), blonde -- Max's girlfriend

Lisa also bragged to the two coeds: "If you get the chance, shower with them. I did. It's a mind scrambler! Oh, hurts so good." Wyatt and Gary were even able to negotiate on their terms with Max and Ian, who apologized for their earlier bad behavior and bargained: "Let us have a crack at Lisa and then we'll let you have Deb and Hilly." Together, they decided to try to program their own version of Lisa, while all wearing brassieres on their head. The experiment went awry this time and basically destroyed the house (via a Pershing missile), forcing Lisa to rescue and then reprimand the boys: "You had to be big shots, didn't you? You had to show off. When are you going to learn? People will like you for what you are, not for what you can give them."

However, it gave Wyatt and Gary the opportunity to learn their lesson ("prove their bravery and courage"), save the partygoers from a gang of marauding bikers, and find romance (kisses and an overnight stay) with the two girlfriends. Lisa gloated from the side: "That's my boys." Also, to get back at Wyatt's bullying, flat-topped, buck-toothed brother Chet, who arrived and threatened: "I'd like to butter your muffin," Lisa turned him, literally, into a talking pile or blob of excrement (and added she might add "a set of elephant balls") until he apologized for his mistreatment of the boys and showed them some dignity and respect.

After Lisa had completed her task of fulfilling her mission with the boys, she threw them a goodbye kiss and then disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The film concluded, to the tune of Gonna Fly Now (Rocky's Theme Song), with Lisa personified as a tough Phys. Ed teacher at Shermer HS, to continue her work of helping young, socially-awkward teenaged males establish more self-esteem. She ordered her gym class to "Drop and give me twenty," and then winked directly at the camera.

Film's Conclusion: Lisa's New Persona as a Tough HS Gym Instructor

[See other entries: "Raunchy Teen-Sex Comedies of the 1980s."]

Witness (1985)

Peter Weir's suspenseful and dramatic crime thriller (his debut Hollywood film) that was also a tortured love story and meditation on violence and culture clash, won two Academy Awards (Best Original Screenplay and Best Film Editing). Its tagline was:

• Harrison Ford is John Book - A big city cop. A small country boy. The have nothing in common...but a murder.

The film was set in 1984 and began by introducing two central characters, both Amish:

• Rachel Lapp (Kelly McGillis), a recently-widowed Amish mother
• Samuel Lapp (Luke Haas), her young 8 year-old Amish boy son

At first, Rachel attended the funeral of her husband Jacob Lapp in Lancaster County (PA), with her father-in-law Eli Lapp (Jan Rubes) providing comfort. Shortly later, she and young Samuel planned a trip to visit Rachel's sister in "the big city" of Baltimore, MD. They were bid goodbye at their local train station by Eli and Rachel's suitor Daniel Hochleitner (Alexander Godunov).

They were connecting through the terminal in Philadelphia, and while waiting, Samuel entered the public men's rest-room and witnessed the horrific, brutal murder of an undercover narcotics police officer by two men who slit his throat. [Note: The two killers were later identified as police officers: Officer McFee (Danny Glover) and Officer Ferguson or "Fergie' (Angus MacInnes).] Samuel escaped being detected by evading a search of the toilet stalls.

Throat-Slitting Murderer in Restroom - Officer McFee (Danny Glover)

Samuel Hiding in Toilet Stall

Detective John Book (Harrison Ford)

The investigating city detective assigned to the case was:

• John Book (Harrison Ford), a Philadelphia, Pennsylvania detective

Book and his African-American partner Sergeant Elton Carter (Brent Jennings) questioned Samuel, the sole witness to the homicide, who indicated that one of the killers was a large black man. It was clear from the start that Rachel wanted little to do with the outside "English" world ("I want no further part of this, nor does my son"), although Book required them to remain in town - and he arranged for them to stay at his sister Elaine's (Patti LuPone) home for the night.

The next day over lunch, Rachel told Book what his sister had revealed about his personality and high opinion of himself: "She thinks that you ought to get married and have children of your own instead of trying to be a father to hers... except she thinks you're afraid of the responsibility...She said that she thinks that you like policing because you think you're right about everything, and that you're the only one who can do anything."

Later at the police station, Samuel pointed to a newspaper clipping-photo of Narcotics Officer McFee in the police force, identifying him as the killer. Book surmised that the murder occurred because McFee had absconded with $22 million dollars worth of confiscated black-market amphetamines (550 gallons of P-2-P) that he was selling to drug dealers, and the murdered undercover cop had been investigating him.

Book was ambushed and shot in a parking garage and left badly wounded by McFee. (It appeared to him that his own superior, Chief of Police Paul Schaeffer (Josef Sommer), the only one who was told about McFee as a suspect, had tipped off McFee and was also implicated. A third officer involved was Leon Ferguson or "Fergie' (Angus MacInnes).) Meanwhile, Book instructed his partner Carter to destroy the interview files on the Lapps, and warned: "Watch your back!"

McFee Identified as the Killer

Corrupt Chief of Police Paul Schaeffer (Josef Sommer)

The Corrupt Police (l to r): Ferguson, Schaeffer, McFee

He was compelled to borrow his sister Elaine's VW station-wagon, to hide and drive Rachel and Samuel back to their isolated, peace-loving, idyllic Amish community (Lancaster County), where he also sought protective refuge with them at their farm when he fainted and crashed his car. As he recovered from gunshots, he suffered from a high fever, blood loss, the possibility of infection, and unconsciousness, while Rachel showed extreme caring and affection for him by treating his wounds. Rachel's father-in-law Eli was reluctant about keeping the outsider, but reluctantly agreed to shelter him until he recovered and could leave. Rachel also insisted: "While you're in this house, I insist that you respect our ways."

To hide his identity and not stand out as a stranger, Book wore the plain clothing of her dead husband. The city detective began to establish a beautifully-realized, illicit yet romantic relationship with Rachel. When Book was repairing his non-functioning car in a barn garage, they playfully serenaded and danced with each other to the car radio playing Sam Cooke's "(What A) Wonderful World," illuminated by the car's headlights - a behavior that was frowned upon by the Amish.

(lyrics) "Don't know much about history. Don't know much biology. Don't know much about science books. Don't know much about the French I took. But I do know that I love you. And I know that if you love me too, what a wonderful world this would be."

Barn Dancing Sequence: "What a Wonderful World"

They almost kissed, but were interrupted by Rachel's scolding father-in-law Eli. She argued back: "I have done nothing against the rule of the Ordnung...I committed no sin" although she faced the possibility of being shunned by the community. He reminded her: "You know there has been talk."

In the film's love triangle, Rachel's jealous suitor Daniel was miffed by Rachel's attentiveness to Book. During the Amish community's barn-raising scene for a newly married couple, the Zooks, John's carpentry skills came in handy but Daniel became upset when Rachel defiantly served John first. Rachel was also told that her relationship with the "Englishman" was the talk of the entire community.

That evening, their budding romance was signaled by one other erotically-charged, wordless incident. When she was bathing from a bucket with a sponge - she realized that she was being watched by Book from a doorway and turned to boldly face him, deliberately lingering for a few moments bare-breasted. He averted his eyes momentarily, but then they both looked at each other with longing until she turned away.

The next morning, he told her that if they had made love, they would be faced with a choice: "If we'd made love last night I'd have to stay. Or you'd have to leave." Shortly later, Rachel realized that Book would be leaving the next morning (as he reinstalled a repaired giant birdhouse feeder in the yard). Eli could also foresee Book's return to the city and told Rachel: "He's going back to his world, where he belongs. He knows it, and you know it, too." In response, she removed her bonnet and they passionately ran to each other and kissed in the twilight.

The film concluded with the suspicious "line of duty" death of Carter, followed by the ominous, tense and violent visit, showdown and shoot-out at the Amish farm at dawn between Book and the threesome of Schaeffer, McFee, and Officer Ferguson or "Fergie." After defeating them (including cleverly trapping Ferguson in a corn silo and suffocating him with grain, killing McFee with Fergie's retrieved gun, and surrounding Schaeffer with dozens of Amish as witnesses), the two lovers Book and Rachel faced the reality of the situation as both knew they would return to their separate worlds.

Goodbye: Last Looks Between Rachel and Book

Eli delivered the film's last line to Book:

"You be careful out among them English!"